Confidential Cheese: The Triple-A Funk
Confidential Cheese: The Triple-A Funk
Strain Overview
Type: Indica-Dominant Hybrid (70% Indica / 30% Sativa)
Breeder: DNA Genetics (Reserva Privada)
Lineage: LA Confidential x Cheese (Exodus Cut)
Market Status: The "Global Fusion"; this strain is a trans-Atlantic collision between California's heaviest Indica (LA Confidential) and the UK's most legendary Skunk (Exodus Cheese). It was bred for the smoker who thinks modern weed is too sweet. Confidential Cheese is pungent, savory, and aggressively medicinal.
THC Content: 18% – 22% (Sedative Potency)
Dominant Terpenes: Myrcene, Caryophyllene, Pinene, Linalool
Key Effects: Heavy Sedation, Muscle Relaxation, Appetite Stimulation, "Stoney" Haze
In the cannabis world, there are sweet strains, and there are stinky strains. Confidential Cheese belongs firmly to the latter.
Bred by the award-winning team at DNA Genetics (under the Reserva Privada label), this hybrid was designed to upgrade the legendary UK Cheese. While the original Cheese has an incredible smell, it can be lanky and moderate in yield. By crossing it with their flagship Indica, LA Confidential, DNA Genetics added density, potency, and a darker, earthier baseline to the profile.
The result is a plant that retains the nose-burning funk of the Cheese but hits with the knockout power of an Afghan Indica. It is savory, spicy, and undeniably loud.
History and Lineage: LA Meets London
This breeding project was about taking a European icon and giving it a Hollywood makeover.
The Mother (LA Confidential): DNA Genetics’ triple crown winner. A pure Afghan Indica known for its dark color, rock-hard density, and psychedelic-sedative high. It is the "muscle" of the cross, adding weight and potency.
The Father (Cheese): The Exodus Cut. The strain that defined the UK cannabis scene for 20 years. It is a Skunk #1 phenotype famous for its sour, milky, rotting-fruit aroma. It provides the "flavor" and the mental uplift.
The Synthesis: Confidential Cheese fixes the lanky structure of the Cheese parent. The LA Confidential genetics make the plant shorter, stockier, and faster to finish, while the Cheese genetics ensure the terpene profile remains sharp and offensive (in a good way).
Terpene Profile: Aged Cheddar and Spice
If you are tired of strains that smell like candy and cake, this is your antidote. Confidential Cheese offers a savory, old-school profile.
Dominant Terpenes
Myrcene (The Musk): The dominant terpene. It provides a heavy, damp earthiness that anchors the high.
Caryophyllene (The Funk): Adds a spicy, peppery kick that blends with the dairy notes to create a "spicy cheese" aroma.
Pinene (The Forest): A background note of pine that adds a crisp finish to the exhale.
Flavor Notes:
The Aroma: It is incredibly pungent. It smells of aged sharp cheddar, dirty socks, coffee, and damp earth.
The Smoke: Thick and savory. It tastes of sour cheese, spicy pepper, and Afghan hash. It leaves a lingering, funky aftertaste on the palate.
Strain Effects: The Heavy Blanket
Confidential Cheese is a strain for the end of the day. It combines the mental fog of the Cheese with the body-slam of the LA Confidential.
The Experience
The Head: The high starts with a "Cheese" head rush—a slightly confused, giggly, and hazy mental state.
The Body: Very quickly, the LA Confidential takes over. A wave of warmth travels down the spine, loosening tight muscles and relieving pain.
The Stone: It is a classic "stoner" high. You will likely find yourself glued to the couch, hungry, and perfectly content doing nothing.
The Sleep: It is an excellent sleep aid. The comedown is smooth and narcotic.
Best For: Insomnia, chronic pain, appetite loss (intense munchies), and stress relief.
Growing Confidential Cheese: The Stinky Shorty
For growers who love Cheese but hate how tall it grows, this is the solution.
Growth Structure
The Height: It grows Short to Medium. The LA Confidential genetics rein in the stretch, making it much more manageable for indoor tents than a standard Cheese.
The Odor: Warning: This plant reeks. It is one of the loudest strains in the garden. You absolutely need a working carbon filter, or your entire neighborhood will smell like a dairy farm.
The Yield: Moderate to High. It produces dense, heavy nuggets that are lighter green than the LA Con but harder than the Cheese.
The Finish: It finishes flowering in 8 to 9 weeks.
The Color: While not a "purple" strain, the leaves can turn dark, forest green (almost black) late in flower due to the Afghan heritage.
Grower’s Tip: This strain is a heavy feeder. The LA Confidential genetics give it a robust appetite. Don't be afraid to push the EC (nutrient strength) in the mid-flowering stage to maximize bulk. Also, keep humidity low in late flower—those dense, cheesy buds are prone to mold if airflow is poor.
Final Verdict: The Savory Choice
Confidential Cheese is a connoisseur's strain for those who appreciate the "funk." It takes the acquired taste of the UK Cheese and packages it in a plant that is easier to grow, harder hitting, and heavier yielding. It is a perfect marriage of flavor and function, offering strong medicinal relief with a terpene profile that stands out in a sea of fruit strains.
You should choose Confidential Cheese if:
You love "Cheese" or "Skunk" aromas.
You need strong physical sedation (Pain/Sleep).
You have limited vertical space (Grows shorter).
You want an appetite stimulant.
Score: 9.3/10 (The Funky Indica)